Here’s a quick take at what could, should, and will happen in all 16 regular season matchups.
Week 1: San Francisco, 4:15 on FOX
Could happen: Rodgers peppers McCarthy with jabs after every touchdown pass. “Hey…remember how you didn’t draft me in San Fran…”
Should happen: New 49er receiver Randy Moss goes into the locker room at halftime with the horrible realization that “oh dear God, Alex Smith is my quarterback…”
Will happen: A rejuvenated pass rush led by (INSERT FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK DE/LB HERE) and Thor Clay Matthews shuts down the Niner offense, sans bounty system.
Week 2: Chicago, Thursday, 7:20 PM on NFL Network
Could happen: Brandon Marshall does something before September 13th, 2012 to get arrested/suspended.
Should happen: Jay Cutler parlays his newfound freedom to audible into 4 interceptions, one of which inexplicably ends up going to Johnny Jolly.
Will happen: “The Bears Still Suck” proudly chanted for a national audience lucky people with NFL Network who aren’t watching in a bar.
Week 3: @ Seattle, 7:30, MNF
Could happen: Matt Flynn wins coin toss, proclaims “we want the ball and we’re going to score.”
Should happen: Matt Flynn is stymied by the Packer defense that saw him in practice for 3 years.
Will happen: Matt Flynn channels his inner Matt Hasselbeck, carrying tradition of ex-Packer QB’s named Matt losing to Green Bay and a coach named Mike.
Week 4: New Orleans, 4:15 on FOX
Could happen: Somebody shows up to Lambeau in Boba Fett costume. Seriously, somebody do this. Please. Do it for player safety. Do it for humor. Do it because it’s the right thing to do.
Should happen: Rodgers uses the Saints bounty on him last year to fuel his give-him-a-little-motivation-and-he-torches-you-mode.
Will happen: Sean Payton screaming at his TV.
Week 5: @ Indianapolis, 1 PM on FOX
Could happen: Jim Irsay plays guitar at halftime, strumming out his new ballad, “Mile High Misery”
Should happen: A first look at Luck vs. Rodgers – a matchup we might not see again for a long time.
Will happen: Indianapolis continues to rebuild with a solid learning experience at Green Bay’s hands: What It’s Like To Get Beat Really Bad By A Really Great Team.
Week 6: @ Houston, SNF
Could happen: Donald Driver goes back to Houston and has a monster game.
Should happen: Donald Driver has a monster game.
Will happen: Donald Driver has a monster game. (Don’t tell me he won’t be back. Shut up. I need this. I want to write Donald Driver will have a monster game AND YOU WILL SIT THERE AND READ IT).
Week 7: @ St. Louis, 1 PM on FOX
Could happen: New Rams CB Cortland Finnegan tries to provoke Packer receivers, gets stiff-armed so hard by Jordy Nelson it makes an Andre Johnson punch feel like a tickle.
Should happen: AJ Hawk records a sack, gives the finger to the sideline. (It’s tradition).
Will happen: Packer offense mercilessly attacks the headless Rams defense. Thanks for watching, Gregg Williams!
Week 8: Jacksonville, 1 PM on CBS
Could happen: Jaguars players stand in awe of Lambeau Field and all its oh-wow-the-stadium-is-actually-filled-with-fans appeal.
Should happen: An ineffective Blaine Gabbert is replaced by Luke McCown at halftime. An ineffective Luke McCown is replaced by Jacksonville’s Punt, Pass & Kick representative by the 4th quarter.
Will happen: Mike McCarthy remembers 2008 and demands nothing but absolute victory. Yes, I’m still bitter over that one.
Week 9: Arizona, 1 PM on FOX
Could happen: Larry Fitzgerald stares longingly at Rodgers’ throws, whispering silently, “…want…”
Should happen: Special Teams coach Shawn Slocum spends week prepping for Cardinals PR Patrick Peterson, who spends week watching Dan Connolly’s return and salivating.
Will happen: Rodgers dusts off his 2009 Wild Card performance, Darnell Dockett spends hours tweeting morosely after game.
Week 10: Bye! Rest time! Injury recovery!
Week 11: @ Detroit, 1 PM on FOX
Could happen: Defensive film meetings replaced with Transformers, studying ways to neutralize Megatron; entire Lions roster arrested for marijuana possession weeks before game.
Should happen: Packers offensive line turns Ndamukong Suh into Bisquick.
Will happen: Packers defeat Lions, eat turkey on Ford Field days before Thanksgiving just because they can.
Week 12: @ New York Giants, SNF
Could happen: Vengeance.
Should happen: Vengeance.
Will happen: Sheer, devastating, outright, unmitigated, total, utter, brutal, absolute, awesome vengeance. Also #Manningface.
Week 13: Minnesota, 1 PM on FOX
Could happen: Vikings totally distracted by relocation talk and already out of playoff hunt.
Should happen: Vikings use game to scout less-than-stellar Packer players, hoping to sign them to long-term deals in 2013 free agency.
Will happen: Packers 72, Vikings 3. Damn you Ryan Longwell.
Week 14: Detroit, SNF
Could happen: I spend my birthday in Green Bay, tailgating all day and in Lambeau for the game. (Hintedy-hint-hint, gift givers…)
Should happen: Rodgers watches footage of Matt Flynn’s 6-touchdown gem against Detroit, throws 7 just because he feels like it.
Will happen: Packers sweep Lions, Jim Schwartz’s hand crunched by Mike McCarthy, who isn’t even squeezing that hard.
Week 15: @ Chicago, 1 PM on FOX
Could happen: Soldier Field peppered with shanks.
Should happen: Jermichael Finley catches 3 touchdowns, asks offensive coaches “Do they still not realize Cover-2 won’t stop me?”
Will happen: Bears lose, Cutler goes home to continue filming of reality series “Kristin & Jay-Jay”
Week 16: Tennessee, 1 PM on CBS
Could happen: Matt Hasselbeck greeted to warm applause as he starts at backup quarterback for the Titans.
Should happen: McCarthy and Co begin their playoff mindset, wrapping up the NFC’s top seed.
Will happen: Thousands of Packer fans have momentary panic when they see FOX not showing Green Bay.
Week 17: @ Los Angeles Minnesota
Could happen: Parking lot dominated by U-Haul’s before gametime.
Should happen: Packers send Vikings into a trying, unsure offseason.
Will happen: Green Bay amps up for post-season dominance.
No need to play out the season folks, this is how it’s going to go down. (Actually probably definitely not).
Yards And Miles 